Shebeen Talk - unemployment

We were getting wasted in the shebeen on Friday night again (funny how the unemployed always manage to get wasted), and the talk centred on unemployment, a subject close to my heart. Why? Because I have been mostly unemployed for 11 years now. And most of those I was drinking with are also effectively unemployed. First, I must dispel that myth that unemployment is a choice. In my case, I had a job for 7 years before I was compelled to resign. During those 7 years I somehow knew my days were numbered, I feared losing the job, so I worked extra long hours, dedicated myself totally to the company, did everything and anything my various bosses said. And things went from bad to worse. I remember discussing with my supervisor what was wrong. The obvious thing, the first thing you consider is that you’re technically incompetent (lack of effort was out of the question). But he disagreed, but couldn’t come up with any explanation instead. So I left wondering what was wrong with me. I spent much time analysing the situation, and talking to people, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. Then I started a small business with my friend. I was forced to sell out two years later, despite my serious efforts to succeed. Since then I have been to see a psychologist to try to ID the problem. That didn’t work. I heard that people on Prozac often succeeded, so I had myself diagnosed with “social phobia” and signed up for a free clinical trial for some new equivalent. That caused havoc with me, because the main effect seemed to be to put you on edge so you can’t think or study, and I’m always studying something on the hope that I’ll become more employable. So I abandoned the trial. I tried to get jobs, and initially I nearly succeeded, but I had put my previous bosses name down as a reference, feeling that I should put both good and bad down. Years later I discovered that that was a mistake – he made damn sure I didn’t get any job I applied for. He died some years later, finally freeing me from that burden of the past, but by then I had lost track of what I was supposed to be, and I was too old to be a new market entrant. In other words, I had no idea what type of job to apply for. Apart from that, I had no idea how to apply. I had a CV, but I didn’t know which jobs to apply for, and the few agents I approached weren’t interested. I never heard anything the few times I did send off my CV, leading me to believe it was so bad I was not considered even remotely. So the years rolled by, each one past relegating me further into the depths of unemploydom, making my past experience and qualifications less and less relevant. Today I’ve lost it completely. I have no idea what I can or can’t do, have no confidence that I can get or hold a job, and don’t know how to apply for one. I still don’t know what caused my initial work problems, but I do realise that something was, and most likely still is, wrong. If someone were to offer me a job now, I would feel compelled to warn them that there is a reason I’m unemployed, so I couldn’t in good conscience, take them up on it. I spend plenty of time doing things for people for free, or for food, since it makes me feel useful. I often refuse making any payment arrangement in advance, since I have so little confidence, instead I will take anything, or nothing, afterwards if things work out. I end up doing a huge variety of things, some which I’m good at, some not so good at. Ie anything goes. And I think the above explains why people are unemployed. They simply just never managed to get into the swing of it. Most people with colourful childhoods, like me, have things wrong with them, and often those things will preclude them from succeeding at a job. If they can find out what the problem is, they’re lucky, because then they can address it. They often drink to mask it, either if they don’t know what it is, or if they’ve given up trying to fix it. Often they think its unfixable – they don’t even know that they can change and grow. Most, like me, with no resources, won’t ever discover the problem. So next time you see guys like me waiting at the corner in the hope of a day’s work, try and understand why this should be. Then don’t ever give them work. They’re unemployable.