Shebeen Talk – Oprah

We were getting trashed in the shebeen last night, and it wasn’t even 8pm when I noticed that an unusual quiet had fallen on us all. The kind of quiet that normally happens at around midnight when we’re all drunk, out of funds and depressed because we’ve got nothing more to say and have to think about going home to sleep and a massive hangover. Actually, I only noticed the quiet during an ad break, because we were all watching the TV that normally just chats away in the background. And what was so fascinating to us? Unbelievably, I know, Oprah Winfrey. Now I always thought, as does everyone else, that Oprah is just another fat rich American Talk Show Host. You know, like Jerry Springer and Ricky Lake. The lowest form of life on earth, just below the Malaysian Blood Sucking Leech. In fact, those Talk Show Hosts can be considered completely useless except if maybe they’re hosting such a leech, and thereby, at least contributing something environmentally to the food chain. But here was Oprah saying things that made sense. Things you wanted to listen to. She showed the first signs of intelligence when she remarked on a meeting she had had with Mandela, and the effect it had on her. Now, somehow, greatness recognises greatness, so this was an indication that she wasn’t quite what she seemed. As it turns out, she’s busy building a school for disadvantaged girls in Meyerton. And even the fact that it was exclusively for girls, and not boys like me, did not detract from what a wonderful thing it was to do. Instead of giving her money to the government or some charity to squander, she was personally building a school. Somehow you know its going to make a real difference. And no one in te shebeen did not love her for it. I reckon we would even have loved her if we were white.

Its embarrassing to compare her to our array of fat politicians.Ok, you can relie on Thabo and trvor, and even Tito, to talk wisely. They’re cut from the same cloth. But the rest of them are a disgrace. How come haven’t we got an Oprah for health minister? Instead of manto having pathetic, tit for tat squabbles with Tony Leon about the whiteness of his party, while the country dies of Aids. Or instead of Ngakula, telling everybody that they should accept crime because its not so bad, while we in Diepsloot have to hide any valuable we possess very well, or we won’t have it more than a week. And if its really valuable, like a TV or a new car, we’ll probably end up dead over it, and nobody will even know, never mind care.

Talking of greatness, I have to wonder t the fact that possibly the greatrest of this century so far happens to be black like me – madiba. Very encouraging. Its true we make the greatest, most ruthless dictators, and the greediest capitalists. But we can be the best human beings too! Hope I won’t hav toendure 27 yearts in jail before I make it to that stage though…

Talking of fatness, its obviously no secret why both Americans and our politicians are so fat – they take a large proportion of the world’s resources and stuff it down their gullets. That’s fine, but I really don’t understand why they don’t exercise and diet to get thin. Surely the quality of life from being thin exceeds the quality achieved by eating large quantities of expensive food? Surely spending less time eating and more time doing mor exciting things would improve the quality of life? I suppose I’ll only understand when I achieve the same status, but the thought of it makes me think I’d rather be thin in Diepsloot than fat in parliament or USA. Maybe there’s some advantage to being fat that I’m not aware of. Maybe its like walking around surreounded by cushions or airbags…